Stage 1: Immense Pride. Of all the people that he could have asked, he chose you. ‘Thanks very much,’ you say ‘It would be an honour.’ For about a week you struggle fruitlessly to wipe that proud grin from your face. But then you start to look ahead – and the next stage beckons…. 

Stage 2: Delusion. OK, so that initial feeling of pride may have gone. But so what - there are still months to go yet. There’s still plenty of time to write the speech. Inspiration is bound to strike sooner or later, after all. 

Stage 3: Realisation. The day is drawing ever closer. You ask your friends for help – but none is forthcoming. ‘Sorry mate!’ they laugh, sipping merrily on their pints of beer. ‘We’re sure you’ll come up with something!’ 

Stage 4: Desperation. After three solid days in a dimly lit room, the page in front of you is still blank. Meanwhile, twenty seven screwed up sheets of paper lie scattered around the room. ‘How on earth am I gonna do this?’ you scream, slamming a fist on the desk. ‘Just when is inspiration going to strike?’ 

Stage 5: Terror. Having decided to acquire some expert help, you arrive home with a book on writing a best man’s speech. ‘Please feel free to use any of our example speeches,’ announces the Author in his introduction. ‘Just change the names to make the speech a personal one of your own.’ And then you dare to read the first example speech. ‘Dave will now have to resign from the honourable guild of eligible bachelors!’ reads one of the lines. You glance down at it in disbelief. ‘The honourable guild of eligible bachelor! If I read that out I'll be ridiculed!’ 

Stage 6: Acceptance. After totally giving up on your expert book, the words have at last begun to flow. Your speech may not be wonderful, but at least you’ll have something to say. ‘And so, I’d just like to thank the Groom on behalf of the bridesmaids,’ you recite, trying desperately to memorise your lines. ‘And I wish the happy couple all the best for the future.’ You desperately try to fight your need for sleep, but it’s no good – your eyes are beginning to droop. ‘Oh well, time for bed,’ you sigh, dropping the page to the floor. ‘Maybe I’ll have time to learn it in the morning….’